That Moment

When I'm in crush,
I would secretly stare at you all day long, at That moment
I would look up into you, at That moment
I would laugh at every of your lame joke, at That moment
I would lightly touch your hand, at That moment
I would feel the lukewarm of my heart beat, at That moment
I would imagine a future with you, at That moment
I would care for you more that anything else on earth, at That moment
I would accept even slightest weakness of you, at That moment

When I'm in love
I would hold your hand tightly and never let go, at That moment
I would stare at you whole night, at That moment
I would dance to your rhythm all day long, at That moment
I would laugh with you all night, at That moment
I would taste at every food you prepared, at That moment
I would tolerate with every tantrum you desired, at That moment

When you're not around,
I would travel around the world for you, at That moment
I would search every corner for you, at That moment
I would buy a gift for you, at That moment
and I would wait you by the door, at That moment

When you're sad
I would comfort you, at That moment
I would listen to every bit of your complaint, at That moment
I would carry the burden together with you, at That moment
I would make a lame joke just to see you're smile, at That moment

But,
When the clocks ticks continuously,
Heart no longer caress for the slightest touch of feeling
Every bit of That moment is now a past
When you realize, it is all just That moment.


Time Written: 12:12 PM on 9th April 2013

Nothing

A: In anger*

B: Why? Anything?

A: Nothing...

Nothing is the start of everything. Things used to be fairy tales. I love you, you love me..we are happy family until....anger, insecurities, responsibility, commitment surfaced for the very first time.

Everytime this A with her wild thoughts, insecurities, she want to tell the whole world that is what A thought of but personal is personal. So A want to share her sadness, anger with A's beloved. Unknowingly, A was too afraid to speak out about her real thought to B. Worried of how B might response. B unexpectedly not very good in handling such things of a human called A.

A as usual with A's wild thoughts keep bombarding A's mind with "What If...statement". Thinking too much of consequences of A's words, A remained silent and repeating-ly mentioned "Nothing" to B in return. And in this scenario, of course B was rather confused what the hell A want to say and what is A thinking right now. B have a slight thought of asking what happened, mind sharing? but B's resolution is rather ignorant. B thought "Perhaps A just angry. I think I should let A be. A'll be fine later". And this go on for quite sometimes.

B had no idea what A is angry about. So what B do? Angry back? Sleep (don't know what B is thinking of this?) Ignore? B don't bother to ask A what's wrong. Tried once then give up. If once failed, try again, second time failed try again. Sincerity is very important. When A sees the way B handling the matter, how you expect A to think? That B is sad on behalf of A too? That B with "I don't wanna know. Keep sad make me beh syok only!" attitude. Is this the proper way of comforting? I don't see any sincerity in it.

What A is thinking right then? B do not understand me. B's attitude giving A's mental insecurities whether B can share my sadness, angry-ness with A. And so this go on for sometimes as well. Things does accumulate, may it be past anger, present anger or future anger.

Who is wrong in this case? I would say both A and B. A's reluctant and B's ignorance to start with. A is thinking too much of unnecessary things and B reluctance's to emerge himself in any of this issues.

How pathetic. The cause would be afraid, habit, lack of communication, not serious in communicating. A speculated everything the why and how. But B with his mighty sentence "I dunno" is rather annoying sometimes but could say less about A as well. A just been anxious.

Neither A nor B are right or wrong. It's the way of handling is a total wrong from the very beginning. A would try to improve communication from time to time with a hopeful total collaborative from B as well. B would you? A is always trying to face issues while B seems to avoid more often than facing. There is nothing to be scared to face things ahead. At least A and B would predict the worst of future before its going to happen. There is nothing to be scared off.

This entry is dedicated to B.

And please accept the fate that A is mostly different from B in terms of mental.

So till then.

Time written: 8:53PM on 10th June 2012

Give Your Heart A Break

#By Demi Lovota

The day I first met you
You told me you'd never fall in love
But now that I get you
I know fear is what it really was

Now here we are
So close yet so far
Haven't I passed the test
When will you realise
Baby, I'm not like the rest

Don't wanna break your heart
Wanna give your heart a break
I know you're scared it's wrong
Like you might make a mistake
There's just one life to live
And there's no time to waste, to waste
So let me give your heart a break, give your heart a break
Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break
Oh yeah, yeah

On Sunday you went home alone
There were tears in your eyes
I called your cell phone, my love
But you did not reply

The world is ours if we want it
We can take it if you just take my hand
There's no turning back now
Baby, try to understand

Don't wanna break your heart
Wanna give your heart a break
I know you're scared it's wrong
Like you might make a mistake
There's just one life to live
And there's no time to waste, to waste
So let me give your heart a break, give your heart a break
Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break

There's just so much you can take
Give your heart a break
Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break
Oh yeah, yeah

When your lips are on my lips
And our hearts beat as one
But you slip out of my fingertips
Every time you run, whoa-oh-whoa-oh-oh

Don't wanna break your heart
Wanna give your heart a break
I know you're scared it's wrong

Like you might make a mistake
There's just one life to live
And there's no time to waste, to waste
So let me give your heart a break
(Let me give your heart a break)

'Cause you've been hurt before
I can see it in your eyes
You try to smile it away, some things you can't disguise
Don't wanna break your heart
Maybe, I can ease the ache, the ache
So let me give your heart a break, give your heart a break
Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break

There's just so much you can take
Give your heart a break
Let me give your heart a break (your heart), your heart a break (a break)
Oh yeah, yeah

The day I first met you
You told me you'd never fall in love


This song indeed represent what I'm feeling. Which YOU can give my heart a break.



Time written: 2:14pm on 3rd April 2012

Unfriend Episode 1

A big rattan cane hit down to my hands, "Ouch!" and I tears. I feel terrible and did not want to come to school. What have I done? What have I done that deserves such cruel punishment. I felt like I had been locked behind bars. Now that I'm awake, I accept the truth that I'm indeed behind those bars.

I walked home in dismay and disappointment, thinking over and over again. Should I tell my parent about what had happened? Today, the road seems long. Dark skies. How I wish there's a rainbow now to cherish me.

I smell of something nice. My favourite salted fish with kailan. Wonder where the smell come from. I drifted by the smell and I ended up in front of my house. It's mum's cooking. How I enjoyed it.

"I'm home, mum!", yelled me.
"Okaeri my dear. Today I cooked your favourite", smiled mum.
"Yeah!My salted fish with kailan, sweet and sour fish...wahhh...all my favourite", yelled out of joy. "Love you, mum, muaks!"

After lunch, I had my bath. In the shower, I'm thinking should I tell mum about what had happened in the school.

"Mum, I....err..",trembled me. "Yes, dear, anything?You looked worried, anything happen? at school?", asked mum. "I been canned".

Mum shocked after learnt the story which I assumed would be the reason behind the caning.

"I'm so angry now. Look what they had done to my daughter. This is unforgivable".

"But mum, it is my fault that I insisted in entering the school, I should bear the consequences", I cried. "I will learn to be strong and someday when I know what I really want, I'm gonna change for sure".

"Awww..my dear", sobbed mum.


Till next time



Time written: 1:40PM on 21st February 2012

Invisibility

Dear YOU,

OMG!?

Yes with the '?', I'm bloody confused. Why would I be overwhelm, sad, angry, upset and disappointed at the same time for something that is near invisible?

Near impossible I can put it. Sighed. What goes around comes around AGAIN!

Am I searching for the truth?
Am the truth just by me?
Am I trying to live in denial?
or Am I just reckless in thoughts?

It's been a while since I whispered through YOU.
And I understand the obstacles, the consequences of the thoughts
FATHER, en light me with an answer to my thoughts
Why would I always been in such situations and conditions
I would forget YET it does not leave me

Say that you still dear me
Say that you still beside me, forever
despite my recklessness
For I will seek for YOU

Tell me what I should do
Tell me what I should decide
As I'm lost

Amen

Phase

It's time to face the bitterness!!

Time written: 13th December 2011 on 2:11pm

Broken Dreams

I felt myself broken into pieces

Day by day

Month by month

and Year by year

I'm so overwhelm with my sadness and insecurities

Till next time

Written on: 5th December 2011 at 9:28am

Magical

Love is a magical

Sparks without your conscious

It makes you wonder

It makes you explore deeper

It makes you awake at night

Praying that he will call

Love is a magical

Sparks without knowing time

It makes you restless

It makes you fear

It makes you cry

Thinking it is over

Love is a magical

Sparks when cupid struck

It makes you do stupid things

It makes he is the only one in your world

It makes your life complete

As it's forever

Time written: 4:57PM on 17 October 2011

Last Night

Last night, I stood by your side

Last night, I laughed by your side

Last night, I smiled by your side

Until you said good night

Suddenly I feel embrace

I don't know what's got into me

Last night, I grabbed your hand

Last night, I held tight your hand

Wish you never leave

Every heart in the room will melt

Spotlight shining

Heart singing

You're here with me

Sing sung ended

If I ever wonder will you be my side

Forever

Have you listen

To the beating heart

Have you listen

To the footsteps of love

If only you had

If only you had

'Coz that is all I wished

Time written: 4:45PM on 17 October 2011

Last Night Good Night

I’m watching you as you sleep peacefully
I don’t realize the streaming tears that wets my cheeks

I’m hiding these painful heartbeats within my heart

Last Night, Good Night
Last Night, Good Night
Last Night, Good Night
Last Night, Good Night

I fall asleep tonight while holding your hand tightly
Good Night.

If only I could spend another wonderful morning with you
Even if my hope is nothing but that, I think even if all I can do is think about it,it’s still a miracle

How could I say “Good Bye” before telling you anything about what I feel?

Last Night, Good Night
Last Night, Good Night
Last Night, Good Night
Last Night, Good Night

Even if my voice will fade someday, this melody will surely last

Last Night, Good Night
Last Night, Good Night
Last Night, Good Night

When I think about the end that we will have to face someday
I cast my wish to this night sky that your smile will last forever
Good Night.

Time written: 4:24PM on 17 October 2011

If You Ever Come Back

I touch my heart and it's beating fast

I touch my hand and it's sweating

I touch my mind and it's bluffing

I touch my soul and it's gone

Could you remember the first moment we met

Could you remember the first time I touch your hand

Could you ever remember we even laugh at same things

So real

I could remember our first virtual moment

I could remember our first touch

I always remember our first laugh at jokes

So real

Could you seek for what's in depth

Could touch for what it is

And could you spare your life solely

It's real

I would always seek

I could always feel to touch

And when I do, this is your moment

And when I don't, this is my moment

It's too real..

Thanks for the view.

So till then.

Time written: 12:28PM on 3rd August 2011